You smell like stripper and shame
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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