i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
