he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
