on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
