are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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