He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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