my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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