there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
