It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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