dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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