I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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