There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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