Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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