I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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