you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize