It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
