I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
