I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
