I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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