You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize