Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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