oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
