please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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