I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
