he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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