Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
