Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
