You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
