I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
