for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
