we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
