Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
