if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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