It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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