i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
