ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
