I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
