So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
