Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
