Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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