Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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