Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
