At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
