Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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