The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
