For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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