i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
