i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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