Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize