I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
