what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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