So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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