I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize