I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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