He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
