did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize