Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
