just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
