can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
