I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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