There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
