i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
