i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
