I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
