Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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