it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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