Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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