Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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