Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
