Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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