She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
