hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
