I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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