Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize