while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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