We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
