I CAN MOONWALK!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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