I wish you could order shots online.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
