i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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