he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
