The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
