Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
