Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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