the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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