I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They took my balls.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
