Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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