I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize