btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
