smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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