Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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