i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
