he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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