i already hear my dad disowning me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
