Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
