you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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