i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't put those talents on a resume
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
