so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i will never coherently bang her
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
