Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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