Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
