I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
