im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
